Going into what seems like the 784,983th day of the quarantine, all I know is that I am exhausted…and I know I am not the only one! Everywhere you look, the horrors of this pandemic surround us and sometimes, WE JUST NEED TO VENT! So, in an effort to lighten the mood, Elevate has decided to dedicate a series to your Tele-working Rants. To kick things off…here is mine!

I have been working from home for years now, so this whole “quarantine thing” is not new to me…Add a few kids to the mix and a husband that gets to escape the mayhem on a daily basis for “work” (or so he calls it) and you have the #$%! show that is now my life. I am suddenly jealous of my husband’s two-hour commute and 9 hours a day of arduous labor. I would honestly rather go scuba diving in hazardous waste than spend another day trying to work at home with a 2 and a 5-year-old breathing down my neck. But this is my reality…my #quarantinelife.

Now, don’t get me wrong…my kids are great and all…they are sweet, loving, and adoring children. My eldest is generally an angel. He is out to please and typically lets me get my work done as long as I feed him and refresh Netflix every couple hours. It is the other one that keeps things interesting. Like most two-year-olds, this kid is a handful. And as his adoring mother, I will be the first to admit that he definitely earned his nickname as the Baby Monster. He is the kind of kid that grabs the knives and scissors every chance he gets… He hits, screams and throws things at the dogs because he thinks it is funny! He will do anything for 110% of his mother’s attention and leaves a path of destruction wherever he goes. That’s my boy and I love him for it…Just not while I am working…

“I found myself asking my 2-year-old if we could set boundaries, but (of course) he didn’t listen!”

A day in the life is almost laughable and I seemingly enjoy prolonging my torture by starting my day at 5:37 am every morning in an effort to get a few hours of work in before Baby Monster arises from his slumber to devour & destroy everything that crosses his path. The early to rise methodology worked for a minute but, here we are – a little more than a month later and he has conveniently adjusted his sleep schedule to rise with the roosters that have been crowing out my window since 4:30 am.

Today’s morning routine was no different than the rest, with my blonde hair turning quickly to grey with no foreseeable trips to the salon in my near future. I literally have smoke coming out of my ears by the time the kids finally pull me away from my desk after discovering that Baby Monster lived up to his name once again by closing out two documents on my computer that had not yet been saved! All I needed to do was complete ONE assignment and my workday would be considered complete (by quarantine standards), but the kids were not having it! A project that was supposed to take an hour, was now looking like it was going to be an all-day affair.

I decide to make them some food and I feel like I just walked into an episode of Kitchen Nightmares when I discover a pile of squished raspberries and a half dozen eggs cracked on the floor. Suddenly the extra few minutes I was trying to get at my desk does not seem too worth it! HOW DID HE EVEN FIND THE TIME TO DO THIS?!?!? I thought he was bugging me in my office the whole time!

By this point, I decide we all need to get a little fresh air, so I unplug my laptop and venture outside with the hopes that the change of environment will help me to be more productive. I kid you not when I say that I could not have been working any more than a minute and a half when my dogs decided they were going to take themselves on a walk and inadvertently terrorize the neighborhood while they did so. The children take a cue from the dogs and take themselves on their own walk…and so the adventure begins.

And, oh what an adventure it was…We traveled about 50 feet before Baby Monster decided to take a detour towards the creek, which rests at the bottom of a hill that would cause bodily harm if explored. Since I had zero intentions of spending my afternoon in the Emergency Room, I scoop him up, but he is not having it! As his rage escalates to mimic something out of an Adam Sandler movie, the older one decides to check out the situation for himself and wails like he is falling to his death as he slides down the very same hill I just blocked Baby Monster from. I save the kid and we venture back to the house. The chaos seems to continue for another hour or so until Baby Monster finally cries himself to sleep. At this point, I am exhausted and want nothing more than to cuddle right next to him, but I can’t…My kitchen is a disaster, laundry needs to be folded, and it looks like a tornado went through my living room.

At this point in the day, I decide I need to be nicer to myself. I called my husband and asked him to order dinner for the FIRST time since quarantine has started. I looked over at my kid and laughed when I realized he was still wearing the same clothes as yesterday (and possibly even the day before) and then I realized I too was in a 3-day-old outfit. My kitchen was still a mess and the laundry unfolded, but it will all get done eventually…right?!?! It is not like anyone is coming over anytime soon anyway! When my husband finally gets home, I pour myself a “mom-sized” glass of wine and enjoy my dinner. All I can do at this point is hope for a better tomorrow based on the lessons I learned today…